The best place to view evolutionary science in action is on the club scene. When I was in Vegas, I saw the dark side. It was obvious that because I was bigger, because I was fat, that I was not a "contender". Here are some lessons I learned about the world of the cool kids:
1. You are nothing unless you're skinny: I wasn't worth male attention, or any attention for that matter, not when there were thinner, prettier girls around. Perhaps is I was a boisterous fat girl, the one who wears loud makeup and fashion I could command that kind of attention but it's the kind reserved for a sideshow.
2. You don't have to be pretty, just skinny: some of the girls I went with, I was meeting them for the first time and not all of them were pretty, not really, not to me anyway (not jealous, just being as objective as possible), but because they were thin, dressed as provocatively as possible and ready to play they were considered "hot". That's all it takes. But it must be said that the guys who were saying this were neither picky nor any prize themselves. They were just around and they were the judges for whom these girls performed. All for the attention of some who were ugly, creepy (...like dangerous creepy), nerdy or immature (I judge them because they judged me...openly).
3. Vegas is full of beautiful women in 4 inch platform heels - it's not a competition - around every corner there are beautiful women and I was surprised still at how much attention our girl group got considering we weren't the hot shit we thought we were.
4. Never compromise your ideals - I came close a couple of times after drinking way too much but I still had my head about me. I am just not like those girls, I can't compromise my principles and my ideals for dubious male attention. I have never imagined myself to be someone who goes berserk just because a guy is around and starts performing like a circus monkey like those girls did.
5. Stick to your standards - don't compromise your standards for convenience
6. Always be yourself - don't be one of those people who changes depending on who they're around. It is natural to be a little louder or more fun at parties or in clubs but don't abandon your morals, your sense of self, your self. Be yourself, whoever that is.
7. Don't drink too much - it's not fun, it doesn't feel good after, it invariably leads to bad decisions.
I learned that the world judges you on your beauty. If you are a woman you beauty will get you ahead 95% of the time. If you are beautiful the world is your oyster. If you are beautiful you don't have to have a personality. If you are NOT beautiful and thin (really, the latter is all you need sometimes to fake it):
- you have to work harder
- people won't pay attention to you unless you are loud and "known" as such
- most men will treat you like you are nothingt; the concept of personality or inner beauty being a mystery to most
- most girls will treat your like a kid or like the extra
- it's just like high-school.
I didn't like that world, that is not my world, those are not my people but apparently that is what the real world is like, too. When I imagine myself in the future, I think that I will be confident, mature, know what to say, know when to speak up and when to be silent, I would be assertive and intimidating, I would command attention not just because of my physical appearance but because of my reputation as someone who is intelligent, fiercely talented. My romantic interests would be my intellectual equals. I do know that I would not judge others on their physical/superficial characteristics, rather on their behavior and, most importantly, on how they treat and talk about others. I'm sick of snarky bitches.
Interestingly, I kept thinking how all those people we met in the clubs have their own stories, their own trials, troubles and roads. They have their own challenges and their own histories. But in that social setting everything is about what you are on the outside and not who you are on the inside. That is that world. You have to accept the rules to play the game to win the game. But I am not ordinary player. And having to skirt a world that is kind and caring and beautiful and another that is vicious, hollow, surperficial and obsessed with the beautiful brings its own challenges. "Who am I?" keeps echoing in my mind. The same questions over and over and I have no idea and I doubt I will learn this soon.
