I weighed myself this morning, just because I felt like it and I had just "gone to the bathroom". Lo and behold, the number on the scale was...
197.0
...which is freaking fantastic. I was so happy, I did a little dance. Upon reflection, it was interesting for me to realize that just a week ago I was miserable because of the scale - what that number represented to me was "progress but not enough progress --> could have done better --> should have been lower --> failure --> will never lose weight --> what else do I have to so --> not for me --> not my destiny --> will never lose weight, will never be thin. And that is what I call the misery spiral.
And today: yay --> I did it --> I am so happy --> I know I am doing something right --> I am figuring this out --> I am working it --> I am doing it right. There was also a bit of "I got lucky" in that the scale can feel a little unpredictable. It's a little bit like playing the lottery and it really shouldn't be. If you've been on point 80% of the time, there should be no reason to feel that hesitation, to feel like you're gambling on the Vegas floor by stepping on the scale.
Of course, the downward spiral is worrying, because it really did affect me. Because of my work schedule and this I didn't work out for four days which is not good but it was something I kind of needed in retrospect. I think if I hadn't weighed myself I would have maybe taken a 2 day break instead of 4, but oh well.
The best part of all of this, the part I'm proudest of, even beyond the weight is that I got back on the horse after those 4 days. I burned 1000 calories, as I has planned and worked out for 2 hours - weights and cardio. It went by quickly and I will be doing it again today. This fills me with hope because it tells me that I was able to get back into it. Not only that, I didn't cheat cheat- I did eat a bit more but of the healthy food. I did not binge-eat and spiral into a full on midnight snacking session. I won't lie, the temptation was there because there was huge bag of my favorite chips in the storage a few feet away from me. But I didn't eat them. Because I just knew that it was inherently bad for me - like chemically toxic. It's different to have one or two but having the whole bag would be like ingesting poison. So, I am happy that I didn't slip much and more importantly that I got back into working out.
