I have been skimping on all of the above. I just don't want to do anything, I'd rather sit around and be lazy, watch tv and surf the net...
Which will lead to lost goals, unfinished plans, and have a domino effect on my life...
Which will lead to depression.
I know myself but because I know myself I also know how to lie to myself, how to deny, how to hide and how to procrastinate like a champ.
This cannot go on. I have to risk failure, I have to do what I set out to do and, as always, I will realize that it wasn't that hard to begin with, it was actually even fun.
I leave a couple of days from now for a wedding out of town. After that, when I return, I intend to:
-Sleep early - for only 8 hours a day
-Wake up early
-Do C25K in the morning
-Keep my surroundings clean
-Practice driving
-Study my coursework so I can ace it
-Do Insanity in the evening
Those are my goals for this month. I want to do the above continuously everyday for the remainder of the month like I did Insanity and reassess my situation on August 1st.
Some family is coming to stay with us later this month and I'm concerned that I'll be distracted -- or I'll be even more focused because I'll have to focus on my life. I can't keep avoiding what I must do. I think part of the problem is that I only seem to have two speeds - off or high.
My goals are too important for me to fail before I have even given it a good enough try.
As the old lament goes:
"I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired."The other thing I'm going to do is buy smaller plates for myself (I want square, blue ones) and eat from those for all my meals. This way I can portion control better because I know that is a huge issue for me (no pun intended). I will start waking up at a decent time, not oversleeping, and set an eating schedule on my phone so I know when it's time to eat a snack and small portions so I don't get any cravings.
I need to wake up, both literally and figuratively. Here is where I am at with my goals so far:
- Learn to drive
- -
Call Instructor (5/25/2013)Started Lessons - -Do the road test
- -Get License - I've had two lessons, driven three times with my dad and am terrified and procrastinating on this. My goal was and is to practice everyday until the road test so I can get my license before school starts officially.
- Get a parking spot and drive to school and work everyday - not possible without a license
- Improve my skin/get clear skin - fix my scars, tone and texture
- -Vitamins, 64 oz of water/day, face masks - I've been drinking lots of water but I need to lose more weight before considering any procedures.
- -Fraxel Laser/Peels (research)
- Laser Hair Removal
- -Purchased Tria 4x - I've been lazy even for this!!
- Write everyday - Currently only blogging - I need to start writing and reading my research books
- Finish 10 fiction book this summer - I could have a shot at this if I actually start now and not next month but it may be hard with my courses (which...I cannot wait for them to finish)
- Keep up with my friendships - This makes me a bad person but I have been avoiding my friends. One in particular. It makes me a shitty friend, I know, things just kind of suck right now.
- Weigh 175 lbs by the end of summer. - The food part is good, I'm doing okay and I'm doing Insanity BUT I need to do way more cardio if I have any chance of losing 30 lbs by the end of August - which, to me, is an achievable goal.
SSo, clearly, I need a huge kick in the butt and before life gives it to me - which it will do unsolicited I need to give one to myself. I know there are deep psychological issues at work here - fear of failure, lack of self-worth, self-confidence and self-esteem, feeling like I don't deserve good things and all that but I cannot let myself go and ruin all of the great work I've done so far.
I am proud of myself for all the work I've done re: weight loss. Before, it was "easy" for me to get down to 205-ish from 230 because I was eating low-carb and less than 1000 calories but I don't want to go that route again. I have to have faith in the process and the exercise and I know my work won't be for nothing.
I have a huge motivating factor for my weight loss which is cutting my hair super-short. While other big girls may be able to pull of short hard I know that, with my face, I won't be able to do the same. I need to lose weight to have the look I desire and feel confident and I do not want to settle for anything less than that. I have always seem myself a certain way and I want that girl in my head to become reality, for no one else - just for me.
In terms of the driving, I was thinking about making a pros and cons list so I can look at it everyday when I wake up and before practice and remember my priorities and immediately the pros, in my head, were flooded and the only con was: fear.
It's a no brainer. I need to do this for me. I need this, want this, will do it.
