- You’re neglecting your responsibilities at school, work, or home (e.g. flunking classes, skipping work, neglecting your children) because of your drug use. -I haven't started neglecting school for it yet, but certainly the time spent thinking about food and bingeing and then actually bingeing could be used to read or do something far more productive
- You’re using drugs under dangerous conditions or taking risks while high, such as driving while on drugs, using dirty needles, or having unprotected sex. -I feel extra fatigued on this way of living and I never feel quite in my head while driving - definitely carbfog
- Your drug use is getting you into legal trouble, such as arrests for disorderly conduct, driving under the influence, or stealing to support a drug habit. - not yet!
- Your drug use is causing problems in your relationships, such as fights with your partner or family members, an unhappy boss, or the loss of old friends. -my mom is mad because she's noticing my weight gain, my dad is disappointed because he sees me eating bad food.
- You’ve built up a drug tolerance. You need to use more of the drug to experience the same effects you used to attain with smaller amounts. -Yes, I need to eat more and more each binge. It's never enough.
- You take drugs to avoid or relieve withdrawal symptoms. If you go too long without drugs, you experience symptoms such as nausea, restlessness, insomnia, depression, sweating, shaking, and anxiety. -Yes. When I tried eating low-carb or clean again I could not stop thinking about food and was anxious about food and then would succumb to the urge.
- You’ve lost control over your drug use. You often do drugs or use more than you planned, even though you told yourself you wouldn’t. You may want to stop using, but you feel powerless. -Yes.
- Your life revolves around drug use. You spend a lot of time using and thinking about drugs, figuring out how to get them, and recovering from the drug’s effects. -Yes.
- You’ve abandoned activities you used to enjoy, such as hobbies, sports, and socializing, because of your drug use. -Yes
- You continue to use drugs, despite knowing it’s hurting you. It’s causing major problems in your life—blackouts, infections, mood swings, depression, paranoia—but you use anyway. -Depression and moodswings, fatigue, yes, and still I keep eating while wanting to stop.
I do all of the above for food: questioning, defensiveness, blaming, secrets and lies, time and effort, guilt and shame, and isolation.
God, it is so not worth it.
It's time to start working on my weight again. It's never too late, it's never over.
