I did it. I did an Insanity workout after coming back from a 5-day vacation/interruption. I didn't do it right away though, in total I haven't worked out for ten days before today (including the three days before I left for vacation). Now, this is a big deal for me. The old me would have said:
"I'll do it Monday...because it's a Monday workout so it only makes sense, I shouldn't do it in the middle of the week, that'll screw everything up."
This is classic old, miserable me (OMM) rationalization. Clearly my schedule has already screwed up considering that I didn't workout the week prior! Yet, here I am trying to avoid working out. I didn't even realize that was what I was doing until after I worked out and sat down to write this. There is a reason why they say most of weight loss is mental. It's all in my head.
I missed the feeling of endorphins, and the feeling of accomplishment.
After a 10 day break, I could barely keep up. I took several breaks, I couldn't finish any sets without doing so, and I was winded. I sweated but not as much as usual because I couldn't keep up and be consistent. But, luckily, my flexibility was still good. I'm going to finish out week 4 of Insanity and then I have another trip and then I start Month 2. The weekend should be enough of a "recovery" so I will skip Recovery Week. I've read that Month 2 is truly insane so I am nervous but ready for the results. I am just kind of scared of upping my calories. I am going to stick to 1200 for the whole month so I can lose more.
I am also considering, that if Month 2 is too challenging (pffft, no such thing!), I will just do Month 1 over again and get really good at it., or maybe alternate days simply because I am not the target population of this workout.
I desperately need a heart rate monitor so I can monitor and see how many calories I am burning. I want the Polar FT4 - it's quite expensive but seems like it'd be worth it. Just so I can see how much I burn on the treadmill, too.
Anyway, the OMM would have definitely skipped the workout and called it a day on Insanity, yes, even despite the 3 consistent weeks I already put in. Fact is, I need to start running and burning fat. It's just everything is really overwhelming right now. The school, the driving and the weight-loss - I mean there is a reason why I avoided doing all three things together in previous years. But the thing is I don't fear the thing itself but the idea of it. I don't fear my indviidual workouts I fear not doing them and failing to doing them and still failing to lose weight. I fear fucking up in the driving and disappointing my instructors and not progressing any further at all. I fear not being able to manage any of it and being exactly where I started.
But the thing is...
I am already far from where I was in any years previous because this year I am actually DO-ING. I am learning to drive - it's slow but it's happening. I am working out and despite having eaten out and going on vacation multiple times, I have always gotten back on the wagon. I am going to school. I AM managing it. I am doing it. I have to keep believing in myself, get out of my head, and into my life and just do it.
