Today, I asked my mom how she was doing on her diet. While she is eating healthier, I don't know if she is still eating carbs in between. If she was eating super-low cab she should have been losing more? I don't want to be judgmental (like my parents have been with my weight-loss before, they are not this way anymore). She said that she has lost about 2 lbs. She doesn't like that and she's frustrated, too. I get a lot of my weight preoccupations, anxieties, beliefs from her so I know that she feels demoralized too, or will start to if she doesn't lose more. Anyway, then she asked me "what about you?"
"It seems like yours has stalled, too"
I didn't know what to say except that "no, it's not. I haven't weighed myself for two weeks so I don't know but I feel like I have." I began to panic and asked her "what makes you think so?" She said that it's because she hasn't noticed any difference. I felt like crying. Not because of what she said, but what it meant for me - that all my work for the past two weeks hasn't had any visible results but more importantly, that my fears that I talked about yesterday and the day before, maybe true. Is it true, have I really lost nothing? While I am very proud of all my consistent work with Insanity, I would definitely be disappointed if I lost nothing. I am actually getting tired of not weighing myself. I ate carbs today, though healthy ones, but I wonder if that's affecting my weight. I think next time, I will just not weigh myself for two weeks as opposed to three. That way I have enough time to modify my routines and workouts.
I want to work as hard as healthily possibly as I now have another wedding to go to in August. Doesn't really matter though, the number won't change how I feel about myself. And, currently, I am clearly confused as to what I look like and can't assess the changes in my body, if there are any. Don't know if I'm being hard on myself or just being realistic. That's the sucky thing about body-image issues and dysmorphia that isn't often talked about - the confusion. I need to feel good about the positive changes again. I will take another picture tomorrow and hopefully there will be an observable change. Regardless, I weigh myself this Sunday, so that is my incentive to work extra hard this week. I couldn't do cardio today along with Insanity because I did yard work again today and was just too tired. I will do it tomorrow morning though, for sure.
